Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Back to normal?

All has returned to normal, at least I like to think so.

On Monday my husband went back to work. My children are back at school. They started back today. I took Monkey Girl to Pre-K and then to the library for a pre-school program. She loved it. The Head Children's Librarian searches for a variety of programs for the children's enrichment. The program that was offered today was one that Monkey Girl hadn't been to yet. She loved the singing and the dancing. She adored the parachute, making the craft and playing with toys. The only thing she didn't get to do (during the hour) was try out the play doh. This is not a big deal, I have play doh at home. She had a great time.

After school and the library she and I came home and I made lunch. At 2 PM I managed to put her in for a nap. Mind you, with all the "stuff' going on last week and a playdate over here yesterday, she really hasn't napped for the better part of a week. Somehow, even with the tears, she fell asleep. Unfortunately this nap was to be short-lived. I got a call from the school nurse, Computer Boy (well, there's just no better way to say it) pooped in his pants. She wanted to know if I was going to pick him up or just bring a change of clothes. I replied that I didn't know until I spoke to him. He's had gastro-intestinal issues regarding his bowels and is under doctor's care. However, I KNOW my son and there was a chance that with having six days off from school and he was probably tired of working.

Folks, I was right. He was hoping to come home and play on the computer. When I told him, in no uncertain terms that there would be no computer today (at all), he decided he'd stay at school. In addition, if I let him come home early, I'd be rewarding him for having "accidents". Frankly, this is not the first visit to school for this issue I've made and it's time he's learned that it's not ok to ignore your body and what it needs to do. Computer Boy has made a little progress in this area but lately he's been lax, so I need to stand my ground. Various people (friends and two of my sisters) have voiced opinions regarding his issues, but seriously unless they're a medical professional I'm not listening anymore. This is something that he can't be punished for (well, not entirely), in time, he will learn and everything will fall into place. The boy is on the autistic spectrum and my husband and I are doing whatever we can to help him. So, to my friends and family, unless you have something constructive (and, by constructive - I mean positive) to say, then don't say anything at all. I don't wish any of this on my worst enemy, but until you live a day in my shoes, you have no idea what I've been through and have no right to comment.

As I re-read the last paragraph, I thought well, it's not really that bad. But, it is. My son is not the problem. He's made great strides this year and continues to grow. He's a sweet boy who is kind and generous. The problem here is their supposed well-meaning comments. They have a way of making me feel, well like a bad mother, that I'm not doing enough for him or I'm doing too much. What I need to do is figure out a nice way of changing the conversation without being rude or nasty. I know I said I didn't want advice, but you guys are different. You're kind, thoughtful and truly care about others. So, if you have any thoughts or ideas, please let me know.


Natalie said...

Pdd? What is it?
I think you did the right thing for Computer Boy.
Even if there is a medical professional involved with CB's treatment, the Mom ALWAYS knows her child best.ALWAYS.

Joyce-Anne said...

Natalie- There was a computer glich when I was editing. It should read autistic spectrum.

Suzanne said...

If I've come off as giving you a hard time, I apologize! How well I know the drill of tellin the school that I am NOT rewarding Gameboy by bringing him home!

Momisodes said...

I'm so sorry. I can only imagine the awkward comments and pressure others are sending you. That is the one part about motherhood that really drives me nuts. I agree that until you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes, you have no right to pass judgment. Something I learned as a not-yet-a-mother nurse, taking care of many mothers.

I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer, but in what little experience I have, a mother's instinct is usually right. Follow your heart.

Tara R. said...

We've been lucky in that our family and friends haven't given us any unsolicited advise on how to 'handle' our son. Moms and Dads really do know their kids best.

LceeL said...

You are absolutely right - If you can't say anything nice - don't say anything at all. That's what I was taught - and that's what I've taught my sons. And it works.

As for your son - each and every kid is SO different from each and every other kid - and the experience of being a parent to your kid is so different from the experiences of other parents - no one is truly qualified to tell you what to do. You know your son best - and in your heart, you and only you know what's best for him.

All of that said - I think you did the absolute right thing and it's exactly the way I would have handled my own son.

But that's just me.

Joyce-Anne said...

Sue- No, it's not you. It's a friend up here.

Momisodes- Thank you for your kind words. I think it's hard enough raising a child today that we should be building each other up and not tearing down.

Tara- I have to learn to trust my instinct when it comes to parenting, especially my son.

Lceel- Thank you. I think I needed to be reminded that what works for one child doesn't necessarily work for another when it comes to parenting.